Only In My Heart
by Shaz1
Summary: Chapter Five now up! Set after X2- Scott is still dealing with Jean's death, but his grief gets interrupted by another mission, first chapter may not sound too original, but give it a chance it changes tact!
1. Chapter One

Only In My Heart

By Sharron Ibbitson

Rating: Probably PG-13 for some naughty words.

Disclaimer:  Okay okay okay, the characters that you recognise do not belong to me they are the property of Marvel sigh, there are you happy I said it??!

This is set after the events of X2, the film leaves so much to write about, so here is my first X-Men fic, hope you like it, but remember I survive on feedback!!!

Only In My Heart

Rogue sighed deeply as she peered out of her window.

"He's out there again you ya know?" she asked her companion.

"I guess he just needs time" Logan replied. The two mutants watched the lone figure of Scott Summers as he sat on a bench.

"But he hasn't even got a jacket with him" Rogue continued, she was very fond of her teacher Mr Summers, she had taken a shine to him the first time they had met when he had saved her life by rescuing her from a burning car.

"Fine, fine I will take him a jacket, satisfied?" Logan asked the young girl, she shot him a cheeky grin.

"Extremely" she replied. Logan rolled his eyes. He walked purposefully to his friend's room, and grabbed whatever jacket came to hand. He and Scott, also known as Cyclops, hadn't always gotten along. They had really been competing for the love of the same woman, it was only recently that Logan had discovered that there never was really any competition, Jean's heart had always belonged to Scott, he had never stood a chance. He sighed and blinked back the tears that threatened once again to fall. The woman had died saving them all. Every time he closed his eyes it wasn't her image that haunted him, it was the image of Scott Summers breaking in his arms, sobbing so hard Logan was afraid he might seriously hurt himself. Although the younger man hadn't had a repeat performance, he was held together very tightly, and Logan knew that it was only a mater of time before he broke, and he was damn sure he was going to be there to pick up the pieces. 

"You'll catch your death out here" Logan said to his new friend, when he stood beside him. He winced as he realised what he had said, but still diplomacy never was in his nature. Scott shook his head slightly.

"It's not that cold" he replied, but took the jacket none the less. "Thanks" he added as an afterthought.

"Didn't see you at dinner tonight?" Logan prompted, he knew that Scott had not been at meals with everybody for at least the last fortnight, since Jean's death, and he hadn't seen any food being taken up to his room either.

"Wasn't hungry" Scott replied, not willing to be drawn out into conversation.

"Look Cyke, the kids are worried about you, and so are we" 

"Logan, don't go there, look please, just leave me alone. I am good honest, I am fine. I don't need you to worry about me I just need some time" Scott replied, still not meeting Logan's gaze. 

"Okay, but just promise me that you will make an appearance in the dining hall at breakfast" Logan continued before Scott could make his attempt to argue "Not for me, and not for you, but for the kids, please?" he asked, almost hating the begging tone of his voice, Scott nodded once. Logan patted him gently on the back then got up and walked back to the school.  Scott sat alone for some time. He felt so empty inside, ever since Jean's death he felt like a part of him was missing, they had always shared a physic link, and now that part of his mind felt like a deep void. He missed her so much, his heart nearly broke to think of her. She had been such a big part of his life that he couldn't imagine going on without her. He knew that the others at the school would also be missing her, but he just could handle their grief on top of his, so the best thing for him was to get through it the only way he knew how, on his own. 

"Well did ya talk to him?" Rogue asked Logan as soon as he returned to the rec room. He was surprised to see that it wasn't only her waiting for his return. Storm was also there as well as Bobby and Kurt.

"Yeah I spoke to him, for all the good it did" he replied

"Hey, at least you tried, at least he knows that we are here when he needs to talk" Storm told him gently placing her hand on his arm and giving him a gentle squeeze of reassurance. 

To be continued in part two……..


	2. Chapter Two

Part Two

Scarecrow thank you for the review!!! Hehehehe, and please post again soon!

The next morning Scott dragged himself out of bed and made it down to the main dining hall for breakfast. He took a very deep breath before entering; he hadn't been with large crowds since Jean's death and was a bit unsure of the reaction he would get. He got himself a coffee and an apple and made his way to sit with Logan and Ororo.

"Hey bub, glad ya made it" Logan told him with a friendly pat on the back.

"Yeah, well I said I would didn't I?" Scott replied, he ate his apple half heartedly in silence. Storm and Wolverine exchanged a glance, neither quite sure how to start a conversation. They were both saved by the arrival of Rogue.

"Hey Mr Summers, it's great to see ya back" she told him as she gave him a brief hug, it had always been in her nature to cut straight to the chase, she had never seen the point of holding back what you really wanted to say. Scott smiled gently, and Logan was relieved, he had been concerned that the contact may have been too much too soon for his friend. He feared that Scott may once again withdraw back into himself. 

"Hey Rogue, thought I join you all, just so that you would know that I do expect that homework assignment in today" he told her gently, she smiled in response.

"Of course sir" she replied, glad that he could at least talk lightly for a change, maybe he would be okay after all. 

"So you are going back to classes today?" Logan asked him after a short pause.

"Yes, I think it is about time. I mean me mopping around isn't going to bring Jean back is it?" he replied as he got to his feet and made his way out of the room, to go to his first lesson. He deliberately avoided running into anybody, he didn't want to get into a deep conversation at that moment.

"Hmm, what do ya think to that?" Logan asked Storm once Scott had gone.

"I am not sure, to be honest it doesn't seem right. I mean sitting outside in the freezing cold without even noticing the temperature because he was that deep in grief, and then today almost carrying on as if nothing has ever happened, it just doesn't seem right" Storm replied.

"Unfortunately I agree with you, I think that we are going to have to keep a close eye on our kid" Wolverine responded, and Storm refrained form mentioning that Scott was actually her elder by two years, she simply nodded in agreement. 

"Right class if you could turn to page two hundred and fifty six of your text books" Scott told his class, he had already missed enough lessons and exams were coming up so he felt that he had to push the class that bit harder to make sure that they were ready. He heard a few grumbles but chose not to acknowledge them  He sighed to himself, he had to admit that his heart really wasn't in it, as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise the loss of Jean was too fresh in his mind to let anything else in. 

"Mr Summers?" he was pulled out of his reverie by Bobby Drake.

"Yes Bobby?" 

"Are you okay sir, you seemed a bit out of it?" the young student replied. He had been on the blackbird at Alkali Lake when Dr Grey had perished and he had witnessed Scott's emotional breakdown as gut wrenching sobs had unleashed in the arms of his one time enemy Wolverine, so he was all too aware of how deeply the young teacher had been affected.

"Yes Bobby, I am fine. I apologise I was just gathering my thoughts, please excuse me" he continued, all of the students nodded in understanding so he continued with the rest of his class. 

He couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him when the bell sounded to signify the end of the lesson.

"That bad huh?" Storm asked from the doorway.

"Worse!" he replied with a grin. She grinned back glad to see that he seemed to be doing a bit better, although this was once of those times when she truly wished that she could see his eyes. She knew from pictures of him from before his powers manifested that he had clear beautiful blue eyes, but that wasn't why she wished she could see them. She knew that she would be able to tell what he was thinking if she could just see his eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul after all.

"Are you coming to lunch?" she asked him after a while. She knew that he had hardly been eating, and was concerned, Scott didn't really have any spare weight to lose and she couldn't bear to see him rotting away right in front of her. He hesitated for a second then seemed to come to a decision.

"Um, yeah. Yes I am" he replied much to her surprise.

"Well come on then before all the deserts are gone" she teased him, and was glad when she got another smile from the leader of the x-men. He followed her wordlessly and together they pushed through the students to get to the table occupied by the adults.

"Hey Cyke, how'd the first lesson back go?" Logan asked him genuinely interested, he knew what a big step it was for Scott to go back to work.

"It was tough at first but once I got into I suppose it could have been worse" Scott replied honestly.

"Like falling off a horse huh? Well that's the toughest bit over with" Logan told him, and the ice in his tone that Scott was used to had been totally eradicated. Scott just nodded in response he didn't feel it necessary to tell Logan that the hardest part occurred every day, when he got out of bed to face another day in a World without his beloved Jean there. He didn't say that the hardest thing was convincing himself just to get up everyday and not slip his wrists or overdose on pain meds, as even those failed to numb the immense pain he faced every day in his heart. That the hardest thing was just to go on living, to take each breath every day. No he didn't say any of that to Logan, because he knew that his friends were already concerned for him, he didn't want to make it even worse, they had their own grief to deal with, besides he was Scott Summers AKA Cyclops leader of the X-Men he could handle it by himself.

Continued in Part Three…….

Keep the reviews coming pppppuhhllleaaaasseeee


	3. Chapter Three

Part Three

Thank you for the reviews, you are very kind, and sorry for the typos from the last chapter, I will try to do better!!!!

Part Three

"He seems much better" Storm told the professor, her relief clear in her voice, Xavier nodded.

"Yes he does seem to be getting on with things much better, however I would advise that we continue to keep an eye on, grief has a way of stewing in people and attacking when least expected. Young master Summers is an expert at hiding his feelings, and much harder to read than a lot of people truly understand" the wise professor responded. Scott had been one of his first students at the school, and he had always regarded him as a son, it wasn't that he played favourites at his school, but he had seen something special and unique in Scott that nobody else had seen. He was rewarded by strong respect and love by the younger man, and it troubled Xavier to see his surrogate son in so much pain, and yet not willing to let anybody in to help him.

"Can't you just, ya know have a look see what is going on in his mind?" Storm asked, she knew that the professor was generally unwilling to look into people's thoughts without permission, but Scott was an exceptional case, he needed help.

"Believe me Storm I have tried, but the number of years he spent with Jean has made him exceptional at putting up shields so strong that even I cannot get through them. I won't be able to see anything until he decides that he wants me to, and lowers his defences to allow me access" Xavier replied, the fact that Scot was blocking him, concerned him, the young man had never done that to him before. It made him worry as to exactly what thoughts the young leader was hiding. 

"Okay professor well I shall keep my eyes on him" Storm replied, Xavier smiled kindly, as the young lady turned on her heel and left the room. Xavier sighed, he didn't know if the school kept him young or made him age faster, but he knew that he would never have it any other way. He had never known a bunch of people look out for each other so much and yet none of them were related. Even Logan was beginning to pitch in with the rest of the team; he was pleased to see that he was looking out for Scott now as well. Logan might be just the sort of friend Scott needed, he knew that there was no danger of Wolverine molly-coddling the younger man, and that was exactly what the younger man needed. Scott was far too proud to give into to pity and sympathy; he needed to feel in control, it was exactly what made him such a great leader, but unfortunately also made him struggle to express his emotions. Xavier sighed; yes Scott Summers was a complex puzzle of a man, one that he himself after all these years was still figuring out. 

"Well what did Wheels have to say?" Logan asked Storm, referring to his friendly nickname for the well respected professor.

"Basically to keep an eye on him. He agrees that he seems to be getting back n track, but that he wouldn't think we are totally out of the woods yet" Storm responded.

"Hmm, well I was thinking of taking him and Kurt for a few beers or something. Ya know boys night out, he might open up after a couple of drinks."  Wolverine suggested.

"Logan, whilst I agree that it would do him good to get out and spend some time with his friends away from the school, I don't think it would be a good idea to involve alcohol, you wouldn't want to steer him down that route now would ya?" Storm responded, almost thinking out loud.

"How about a ball game then?" Logan suggested.

"Yes, yes that could work, and then you could take Bobby with you too"

"Bobby, why would we want to take the kid with us?" Logan responded.

"Mainly because he was on the jet when Scott lost it. He knows how hard it has hit him, and is desperate to do something to help. I think it would be a really good idea to involve him in something like this" Storm reasoned, and Logan had to agree to her logic.

"Okay I'll see what I can do. You deal with Bobby and Kurt, and I will try to convince Scott" Logan told her, she chuckled lightly

"For once I think I may have gotten the better deal" she told him with a grin. He nodded tightly, all too aware that she was very right, Scott wasn't going to be easy to convince that he needed to go out. 

Please continue to R&R

Continued in Part four……..


	4. Chapter Four

Part Four

Okay just me again!!! Here's the next chapter, please take just a second to review, please don't make me beg!! Leave me with some pride and dignity!!!!!!

Part four

Storm had been hunting for Bobby, all morning; it was as if he was hiding from her or something. She sighed in relief when she finally found him in the rec room. 

"Ah Bobby, just who I was looking for" she greeted him, and smiled inwardly when she saw the look of anxiety on cross his face.

"Yes Miss Monroe?" he asked cautiously.

"Logan is planning on taking Mr Summers to a ballgame, you know try to cheer him up a little. Well he was wondering if you would like to join them. He grinned straight away.

"Yes Miss, I would love to. Anything to help Mr Summers" he replied, Storm smiled, she had known that the boy would be more than willing to help out his teacher, he always looked at Scott with immense respect and had been trying to help him come to terms with Jean's death ever since the day on the Blackbird. 

"Great I shall let Logan know, he will fill you in on the when and where etc" she told the young student. Bobby nodded, still smiling, then turned back to the TV to watch the end of the show that he had been watching. 

Meanwhile Logan was busy hunting Scott down. He eventually found the elusive young teacher down in the danger room. He was in the middle of a simulator and was currently beating the hell out of replica of Sabretooth. Logan shook his head and smiled to himself. Scott sure had some dirty moves he thought to himself as he watched the younger man head butt and knee his nemesis into submission. He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him, Scott sure could fight. When he was sure the leader of the x-men had finished he punched in his code and joined him in the room. Scott was dripping with sweat.

"Hey one-eye. I got some tickets for the Knicks, how do ya fancy coming along with me and Bobby?" he asked, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"I don't think so Logan, I got a lot of marking to do" Scott replied, as he pulled his baggy t-shirt on once more covering the fine toned arms and abs. 

"Come on Scotty, the kid's got his heart set on it" Logan argued, hating himself for resorting to emotional blackmail, but he knew that Scott would do anything to keep the kids happy. "Besides you wouldn't seriously want me to take him on my own now would ya?" he reasoned. 

"When is it?" he asked.

"Friday night" Logan answered, hoping that he has been successful.

"Okay, but only if I manage to get all those test papers graded" he replied, before leaving the room. Logan cheered himself silently, well that had gone smoother than expected. Now to just try and get some tickets!

Friday night came a lot quicker than anyone had expected it to. Logan met up with Storm in the kitchens as planned.

"So has he managed to get all his marking finished?" Logan asked the female teacher.

"He sure has, especially since I helped him out for three hours last night. Honestly I don't know how he manages to get it all done on his own" Storm responded. "Did you manage to get the tickets?" she asked him.

"Yeah, yeah I did. But they cost me a fortune, have you any idea how hard it is to get Knicks tickets with less than a week's notice?" he grumbled. "Anyway they are not brilliant seats, and I don't particularly like basketball, but if it cheers ole one eye up then I suppose it is all worthwhile" 

"Hey, I am grateful for your help, I know that you and Scott have never really gotten along, but I think that he needs you more than anyone at the moment" Storm told him.

"Yeah well I suppose I owe it to Jean to look after the kid don't I? Besides he is almost likeable once you get to know him a bit. Can't have our fearless leader falling apart on us now can we?" he replied, and with a wink he went off to grab Bobby and Scott before the young Mr Summers could disappear and get out of their little trip. 

End Part Four

To be Continued……………………………

Please R&R????


	5. Chapter Five

Part Five

Okay I am back! Sorry for the delay folks! Very naughty of me!!!

Scott shrugged his leather jacket on, he didn't really want to got to the basketball game, sure he liked basketball and knew it would do him good to get out of the school for a while, but nothing was the same since Jean had gone. He sighed to himself, well if Logan could make the effort to be nice he supposed he could at least go to a simple game with him. He sighed again, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately, he knew that there was some sort of conspiracy against him, especially when Storm had offered to help him get his marking done in time so he could go to the game. He wondered how many other people knew about poor old Mr Summers, and Logan ever so kindly taking the charity case out, before he went crazy in his own despair. He wondered how close to the truth he had actually got with his thoughts, and then shook his head to clear them. He dragged his fingers half heartedly through his hair and made his way to the lobby to meet his two companions. He managed a tired grin of acknowledgement. 

"Ya ready one eye?" Logan asked, but without the sting to his tone that Scott was used to. Scott nodded in response and the three mutants left the mansion. "You wanna drive or ya want me to?" Logan asked when they had arrived outside the parking garage.

"Up to you" Scott replied, and if all of his behaviour over the last couple of weeks had been perfectly normal that flyaway comment in itself was enough to get Logan and Bobby seriously worried. Ordinarily Scott Summers would not let anyone else touch one of his babies unless it was over his dead body. Logan and Bobby exchanged a glance and a raised eyebrow.

"Ah heck I don't want to spoil your fun, you drive" Logan eventually replied. Scott simply nodded mutely and walked around to the driver's side and climbed into the sleek sports car. Bobby jumped into the back and Logan rode shotgun. Logan knew Scott well enough to know that he was calm and controlled in most things but when he got behind the wheel of a car or sat on a bike, he liked to let lose to push the vehicle to it's limits, except that night when Scott stuck completely to the speed limit, put no music on and made no effort at conversation. Logan sighed deeply, this was going to be harder than he thought. He had never been more relieved to arrive somewhere as he was when they finally pulled up in the parking lot at the arena.

"Yo Bobby, you go and find our seats, while me and Mr Summers go and get some dogs and sodas" Logan told the young student as he handed him the tickets.

"Woah! These are good seats, how'd you get em?" Bobby asked admiringly, and Scott snorted. Logan grinned, glad to at least get some response out of the young teacher. 

"Ask no questions and be told no lies, now scat" Logan told the younger man, and shooed him off.

"Where did you get them at such short notice?" Scott asked as soon as Bobby was out of hearing range. 

"What do you mean by short notice? For all you know I could have had them for weeks" Logan responded, not looking at Scott.

"Logan come on, I maybe grieving but it hasn't taken my brain you know? I may be younger than you, but I wasn't born yesterday. I'll bet you got the tickets maybe three days ago? After Storm came up with this idea to get me out of the school. She said that Bobby was feeling bad after seeing me lose it like that, and wanted to help poor old Mr Summers. Then you thought that you'd take pity on us by taking us out, after a bit of panic and getting Storm to help with some marking your plan came together." Scott responded, clearly having the whole thing worked out perfectly. Logan didn't know whether to be grossly offended or to laugh, he was so pleased to hear the young teacher string a whole sentence together that he couldn't' bring himself o be offended. He chuckled lightly in response.

"Seems you are smarter than you look kid. Just do me a favour and go along with it, and don't let on to Storm. She is real worried about you, and she thinks this is going to help you, so please just say you had a great time and feel a bit better, then she will feel like she is doing something" Logan spoke softly. 

"I know she is trying to help, but a basketball won't bring Jean back" Scott whispered in response, tears already gathering in his eyes, and his voice cracking as he spoke. Logan felt his heart break at those softly spoken words. He gathered the smaller man in a strong embrace, and held him while he sobbed. It seems Storm's idea had worked, just not in the way they had counted on, still at least Scott was opening up.

"It's okay kid let it out. I know you're hurting, just let it out" Logan soothed, showing a side of his character that Scott had never seen before, after a moment he gathered himself together and managed a weak smile.

"If Jean was here she would probably have just had a heart attack from shock at seeing that" Scott joked, and Logan laughed in response, glad that his friend was feeling a little better, he lightly put his arm around the younger man's shoulder and they embraced in a friendlier manlier hug. Scott laughed, sqeezed Logan lightly then pulled away, and the two men made their way to the refreshment stall to fill up with goodies for the game.

End of Chapter Five

Please R+R!!!!


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